Getting older really makes me long for my childhood. There were so many things that I could do back when I was seven, that I can't do now. I'm finally a 20 year old man, I have responsibilities and obligations. I can't slow my life down just to go play with G.I. Joes. I miss finding amusement in now meaningless toys. I miss the excitement of buying a new Lego set. Now, the only thing that excites me is a new issue of the New Yorker. I have become progressively more boring as the years have gone by. I remember back in the day when I used to go on grand adventures with my friends and pretend that I was exploring an alien infested planet. Now, I sit around all day and do basically nothing. It's really depressing if you think about it.
One of the hardest transitions from child to adult is the loss of innocence and the sensation of magic. I remember being so happy as a child, but when adulthood creeped its ugly bitchass head into my life I began to see the grim reality of the world. I am no longer that happy excitable child. I am the polar opposite, a cynical depressed adult. I wasn't always filled with an incredible hatred for just about everything. Truly, I want to go back to those days. This year for Christmas I had to go out of my way to feel the Christmas Spirit that I remembered. This season I was perpetually bombarded by cynics who thought Christmas was a corporate scheme. Or I was confronted by tragic news stories that drained hope from my daily life. As a child, I was ignorant to this exposure. It was sublime. Santa Claus. Man, he used to be so real to me. He was the all powerful being that controlled the outcome of Christmas. But, with age Santa became nothing more than a childrens' story to promote good behavior. Childhood was full of all sorts of magical beliefs that are now completely irrelevant. With the childlike imagination, magic made sense. In aging it becomes quite clear that dragons and Jedi are not real. It's so disappointing seeing my childhood dreams smashed to null. As Dante Alighieri said, "There is no greater sorrow than to recall a happy time when miserable."
As much as I long for the past, I know I need to move forward. No matter how depressing and fucking miserable it gets, life moves on. I guess we just gotta deal with it. There is always nostalgia to look forward to.
